Princess Fiona

Anizan Bin Sulaiman,
Fakulti Pendidikan,
Universiti Teknologi MARA,
Kampus Seksyen 17,
40 000, Shah Alam,
Selangor Darul Ehsan.





Dear Princess Fiona,

I am sorry if my letter makes you late for your mud-dipping party with Shrek and Donkey. How is life in the Swamp? I’m sure your married life with Shrek is going marvelously. I am Anizan by the way. I am not anywhere from the Fairyland. I am living in the real world where Fairy godmothers don’t exist, where donkeys can’t talk, and where frogs don’t simply turn into princes when they are kissed by their true love. You may think I’m weird. But could you please continue reading? I just have a few simple questions that I would like to ask you.

During your childhood, you realized that your parents treated you differently. They were not the traditional parents when it comes to parenting you. I am sure that you were puzzled when they won’t let you to be with the other princesses especially at night. I guessed you have never attended a slumber party in your life, right? How do you feel? Do you always feel different? Do you always consider yourself the odd one out? Do you feel depressed? How did you handle it, Princess Fiona? Have you always known that you are -- umm-- how shall I put it? An ogre?

I, however admire your parents’ effort in sending you to a close security tower distant from the Far Far Away Land. Not in a bad way, of course. I know that they love you so much, but I also understand why they had to do what they had to do. Speaking of Far Far Away Land, I have another question for you, Princess Fiona. Almost all fairytales start with the phrase “Once upon a time, in a far far away land, there lived (some princess or whatever….)”Oops…sorry. I have deviated. I was getting to your parents. Did you just accept your parents’ wish to send you to that horrible place? Didn’t you feel scared -- to live there alone, locked in a tower which was being guarded by a fire-breathing dragon?

Princess Fiona,

Will you tell me the truth? What did you feel when you were kissed by Shrek when in actual fact you were lying there in your tower waiting for your Prince Charming to break the horrible spell? Did Shrek scare you? I think you were not afraid of Shrek since you seem to master some kind of martial arts. However, you agreed to follow Shrek as he promised to send you home. You were brave.

It was clever of the producers to reveal that you are actually half human-half ogre. I didn’t expect the beautiful princess Fiona is actually an ogre at night. I am sorry if you feel offended by my bizarre questions. I am just curious, Princess Fiona. What is your favourite colour by the way? I bet it must be green. Hehehe…

When are you planning to have children with Shrek? Do you want your children to be ogres too or perhaps you want your children to be born humans? Princess Fiona, will you be kind enough to tell me one of the best and also one of the worst features of Shrek? Do you consider Shrek as a romantic husband? What is the most romantic experience that you have ever experienced with Shrek so far?

Princess Fiona,

How does it feel like to live in a fairytale? I can see that it is not always fun and happy to be in a fairytale. Let me give you an example. First of all, I am sure that being bugged incessantly by Donkey must not be pleasant. Apart from that, knowing that your father is actually a toad is not something to be proud of. I definitely would like to hear your comment on this. Last but not least, it must hurt you so much to have finally found out that you are actually an ogre -- a creature that even your parents are squeamish about.

I have been wondering of what would happen after the princess ended up marrying her prince charming. Usually, a fairytale would end abruptly as soon as the princess is married to the love of her life. Would you care to tell me about your life after marrying Shrek. Is there any difference as compared with the time when you were still single?

Princess Fiona,

I think that you are fond of Donkey. However, I still have to tell you this. I find Donkey almost all the time a nuisance. I also find him extremely funny at times. How do you handle your life with Donkey tailing you around all day? Why is Donkey always around Shrek? Does Shrek have any other family members except for you? Where are his parents? Does he have any siblings? If he does, are they also green?

Dear Princess Fiona,

I thank you for spending your precious time reading my humble but bizarre letter. I would really appreciate it if you could reply my letter. I hope to hearing from you soon. Take good care of yourself, Your Royal Highness.


P/S: Go easy on the snail soup. They are umm…quite fattening, don’t you think?

Your sincerely,
Anizan.